Tuesday, July 24, 2012
So I had a young woman come back into my store for the third time today. She had on an engagement ring she had just gotten from her lady love. Unfortunately it wasn't one of mine! Truly unfortunately it wasn't one of mine because she had been lusting after this one of mine. Not only had she been lusting after it but she had brought her partner in to see it, she had used it as a screen saver, and she "thought" she had been pretty clear that it was the one she wanted. Alas and alack, not quite clear enough unfortunately. So in 5 or 10 years they will come back in and I will attempt to take the diamond she got and put it into a similar design.
So the question becomes how do you clearly express to your partner that THIS design is the one you want??? And it isn't an easy one to answer. I mean, this young woman had done everything she could think of to convey that, if someone was going to propose to her, that this particular ring was the one that she wanted. Now admittedly, it might have been that I was a bit more expensive than the one the partner chose.
But, I believe it was more that, for some reason, her partner may not have been listening closely enough. I'm somewhat used to this with guys because, let's face it, basically they're clueless when it comes to women, but I think that women should have a somewhat clearer idea of what they want for their partner in life. And when the partner pretty clearly points out what they want, I kind of think they should be listening.
Of course I think guys should be listening as well because it's always upsetting to hear someone express disappointment in what they receive as one of the most important pieces of jewelry they will ever get. I mean, if you get a 33rd birthday present you're not thrilled with that's okay (you can always exchange it!)---but an engagement ring is a piece that says: YOU ARE THE PERSON I WANT TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE WITH so this is what I want you to have to represent it! And if you're not listening to the person to begin with then....where are you going anyway???
Now I'm not saying, by any stretch of the imagination, that these two young women are not meant to be life partners, anymore then the guys who don't get it either. Everyone has different things they value in a partner and understanding and appreciating what is most important to you is critical in a relationship. Someone may be perfect in so many other ways that it's easy to overlook certain things. And we shouldn't forget that we all have different tastes and, inevitably, our own tastes will influence what we buy.
What I am saying is that the most important part of our intimate relationships is that we should make an attempt (hey even after 25 years I don't always get it right either but I try) to LISTEN to our partners about what it is that will make them the happiest. Because after all, what we all really should want to do is make our intended, or our already committed partners, as happy as possible because that is what being in a relationship is all about: MAKING OUR PARTNERS HAPPY (well without completely losing ourselves!). Why bother being in love if that isn't the case?
My job as a jeweler is to make YOU happy. But if you aren't listening to your significant other, I might make you happy but not your significant other happy. And if they aren't happy, I can assure you that you aren't going to be happy. So let's try to listen up folks!!!
The picture above is of a custom piece I made for a customer using her design idea, coin, and spinels (personally I would have used a somewhat higher quality, more regularly sized and colored stones). She wanted me to do a Tudor rose on the bail to match the one on the coin . I cut out the base piece and then had my hand engraver do the details on the rose. Yes it's a very strange piece but I get asked to do all sorts of things and I just like people to see all the possibilities.